he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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