youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
