But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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