So drunk its hurt
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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