Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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