Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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