I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
