batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
