paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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