I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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