i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
