i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
