Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We are all done wearing pants today
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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