Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
