So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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