onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
