you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
