whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
