rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
