Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
