Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
