my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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