yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
