Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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