Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
