You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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