someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
