Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
