I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
