two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
