I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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