What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
