I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
