i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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