Jerry, you need to find god
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
