her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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