Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
