Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
