can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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