and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We need to rekindle our bromance
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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