the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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