Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
