Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
