you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize