fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im part way to drunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
