I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
