I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
