six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You are the jesus of drinking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
try to milk me bitch
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
