she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The struggles of a small town man whore
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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