Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
