the condom got lost in my hair
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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