If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
