somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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