i wish my penis had a tongue
stop calling my apartment porn island.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
