I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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