haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize