He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
should my penis look like a turkey
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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