Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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