i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
