Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
