We got so high we made milksteak
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
