Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize