HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
