i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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