Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
tell me about the eggs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
