When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
