I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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