So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
