my being single is dangerous.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
