I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
