He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
