Cold hands, warm shart.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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