well I can't set my house on fire every night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
