just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
