I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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