This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
