remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
