he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
