Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
