flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
