I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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