just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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