you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
