New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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