you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
