My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
