Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
