I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
