you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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