do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
