Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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