it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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