Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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