i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
